Bait-and-switch When
an attractive person invites you to his or her table
then steers you to a less attractive friend.
Barley
sandwich Beer
for lunch. Also called a slurp sandwich.
Bayonetting
the wounded Gamely
drinking the half-finished beers the morning after
a party.
Booze
coupons Money.
Bedspins The
variety of spins that occur while lying prone. Putting
one foot on the floor usually helps. If you are already
on the floor, may God have mercy on your soul.
Beer
bitch The
person sitting closest to the cooler or refrigerator
at a party whose sole purpose in life is to grab
another beer when yours runs out.
Beer
blinders One’s
perception when under the influence of alcohol. Often
causes unattractive people to look hot, long distances
to look jumpable and break dancing moves to look
easy.
Beer
Pressure The
tendency to drink what your friends drink.
Beer
queer A
straight man who will pretend to be gay so as to
solicit free drinks from an unsuspecting homosexual.
Blackout
Brigade A
group of heavy drinkers.
Booze
compass The
instinct that leads you home when you’re blackout
drunk.
Booze
muscle The
increase in courage and combat abilities linked to
heavy alcohol consumption.
Booze
snooze A
nap taken early in the afternoon after a morning
of drinking, designed to prepare you for the evening’s
drinking.
Boozgart The
person who, when he is supposed to be passing the
bottle of liquor around, stops to reflect on the
first time he got drunk, last time he got drunk,
etc. A derivative of the stoner term bogart.
Breaking
the Seal Urinating
for the first time during a drinking session. Once
the seal is broken, restroom trips become much more
frequent.
Britney
Spears A
light beer. As in, “How can I take you seriously
when you’ve been sucking on Britney Spears
all night?”
Buzzkill That
which destroys the buzz. Examples are fights with
one’s significant other while at the bar, boors
who insist on telling that story one more time, your
best friend admitting that he/she is sleeping with
your significant other, horrible music after you’ve
just heard three of your favorite songs in a row,
or discovering that you actually have less than half
of the money that you thought you had at the beginning
of the evening.
De-boned To
become so drunk you appear not to have any skeletal
structure to hold you up.
Deep-dish
olive pie A
martini.
Deja
booty When
a drunk inexplicably has sex with the person he swore
he would never speak of or to again, never ever.
Deja
booze When
an infrequently enjoyed drink reminds you of the
last time you enjoyed it. As in, “This margarita
reminds me of when I was partying in Tijuana, just
before I vomited on myself, picked a fight with the
bartender and got thrown in the clink. Good times,
good times.”
Deserter A
full beer, possibly hidden, found when cleaning up
the next day after a party.
Hell’s
Own Drag Influence.
As in, “See the size of that shot? Ever since
I started dating the barmaid, I’ve got hell’s
own drag at this bar.”
Drink
link An
ATM.
Drink
shrink Those
who, after a few drinks, discover they have the ability
to psychoanalyze and  offer
solid personal advice to their friends and/or strangers.
Drinking
in stereo Boozing
with a drink in each hand.
Felony
juice Tequila.
Flip
wire That
fine, fuzzy line between buzzed and hammered. As
in, “That fucker ain’t driving, he tripped
the flip wire three shots ago.”
Floored When
you’re so drunk standing up just seems a silly
waste of time.
Frontloading Getting
drunk before going to a nightclub because the club’s
drinks are expensive.
FUBAR Fucked
Up Beyond All Recognition.
Fugly
bus The
mysterious bus that whisks away all the ugly people
from the bar and replaces them with their beautiful
cousins while you’re in the bathroom draining
your tenth pint.
Get
the fade on Going
out with intention of getting very, very drunk.
Grog
monster The
part of the brain that insists you keep drinking
long after you should have went home and passed out.
Gutter
hugger Drinkers
who empty the contents of their stomach into a gutter
or nearest trash can.
Hooch
hotel The
drunk tank.
Housed Moderately
drunk. This term is particularly popular with those
who listen to the Grateful Dead and smoke large amounts
of marijuana.
Jack
and Jill A
shot of Jack Daniels and a beer.
Joint
of no return A
bar from which you are 86’d.
Juice
card Received
on your 21st birthday.
Jumping
on the grenade When
two groups of the opposite sex meet, one member “jumps
on the grenade” by talking to (or possibly
sleeping with) the least attractive member of the
other group so as to ensure the success of the rest
of the group.
Jumping
strays Stealing
unattended or abandoned drinks at a bar or party.
As in, “I’m so broke I’ve been
jumping strays all night.”
 Kamikaze
eyes The
look a drunk gets when he spies someone he always
hated but never had the guts to fight. Until now.
Keg
commander the
boisterous chap who hovers around the keg so as to
ensure everyone knows how to properly pour a beer.
Last
call lothario Someone
who’s shy until last call, at which point he’ll
try to hook up with anything that has a pulse and/or
booze at their home.
Loudmouth
soup A
shot of strong liquor.
MDA Mysterious
Drinking Accident. When you wake up with bruises
and cuts you have no recollection of receiving. Also
called UPI (Unidentified Party Injury), UBB (Unidentified
Beer Bruise) and drunk marks.
NBR No
Beers Required Someone sufficiently attractive enough
to hit on while sober.
One
for the ditch A
less optimistic version of One for the road.
Pavement
pizza Vomit
on the sidewalk, often found outside bars.
Prole
piss Any
cheap American lager.
Prole
piss poser A
yuppie who attempts to appear down with the working
class by making a point of ordering only bottom shelf
liquor and cheap beer.
Mystery
guest The
guy at the party no one seems to know. They usually
lurk in the kitchen near the booze.
 Riding
a rocking horse into battle Getting
drunk on 3.2% beer.
Roadside
olympics Roadside
sobriety test.
Shelf
jumper Someone
whose tastes improve from bottom to top shelf when
someone offers to buy them a drink.
Skinflint
sprint The
fast walk a departing patron employs after he’s
left the cocktail waitress a less-than-generous tip
on the table.
Slop jaw Someone who spills (unintentionally
or otherwise) most of his shot down the side of his face. As in, “Don’t
waste anymore money on Mike, he slopjawed the last three shots.”
Stout
gout The
morning-after flatulence that often follows a night
of drinking Guinness.
Tart
fuel Bottled
alcopops, e.g. Hooch, Sky Blue, etc., regularly consumed
by young women.
Thousand
mile glare The
blank, vaguely hostile look a veteran bartender will
give you when you ask a stupid question such as, “Is
the beer cold?”
Tip
jar anxiety The
fear that an unobservant bartender won’t notice
you left a good tip.
Trip
dog The
invisible canine that starts getting underfoot around
your tenth drink. Once he arrives he will trip you
up the rest of the night.
Trojan
hooch Bringing
an empty bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag to a
party so you won’t appear a mooch.
Twelve
stepper A
reformed drinker or someone who wants to quit drinking
early. As in, “Hold on there, twelve stepper,
the bouncer hasn’t even threatened us yet.”
Two
pint screamer Someone
who gets noticeably drunk after two drinks.
Vodka
vision A
liquor specific brand of beer goggles.
Wobbly
pop Any
beverage containing alcohol.
New
Words for Drunk: jagged
up, boiled as an owl, mothered, curried and mashed,
de-ossified, full tight, skinned, pie-eyed, gibbled,
in the paint, pile-axed, rat-assed, stinko, torn
off the frame, torqued, troll-eyed, wired to the
tits, banjoed, chateaued, one over the eight, pixelated,
swipey, wankered, zigzag, slaughtered, juice-looped,
12 gauged, Boris Yelstinned, cop-sluggin’ drunk,
five winos gone, jackassed, liver-lubed, monkey assed,
mullocked, paralytic, stolichnyed, ten feet tall
and bulletproof, tore up from the floor up, Kennedied,
wearing a big hat, shined up, wingdinged, off the
leash, drunk uncled, picassoed, and finally, locked
out of your mind. |
