Last night, I tried to eat my cat...

[Rip Rufus]

Get a room.

[Oggar]

I can't belive there have not been more jokes about eating pussy- ie,

"So what? Last night I tried to eat MY WIFES pussy, turns out, she does not like to share!"

[ba-dum ching!]

[Judge]

I'll see your wonky-eared fluffy mewler, and raise you a large orange, tiger-striped 4 am mewler (will he EVER shut up?) that has 6 toes on each paw. It is enough to set me to a-wondering if cat is as tasty as squirrel....

The answer is yes. I've posted it somewhere before but seems time to bring it up again. My granddad lived on squirrel back in the '20's up in Pope Valley (they were poor and he was a good shot). In the '70's some old french guy he used to pal around with back in the day invited him up for squirrel. Up he went and eat they did. Pops mentions it was the best squirrel ever. The old frenchie laughed and lamented that he can't shoot worth a shit anymore and couldn't get squirrel. Takes him out back and shows him the house cat's pelt nailed the fence post. Gramps didn't want squirrel ever again. But he did say it was good.

[Rip Rufus]

I can't belive there have not been more jokes about eating pussy- ie,

"So what? Last night I tried to eat MY WIFES pussy, turns out, she does not like to share!"

[ba-dum ching!]

You know, there is a surprising amount of battered women out there.

But I always eat them raw.

[Drednik]

You see, this cat - let's call him W.J. - was an unwilling tennant from the start. He didn't wanna be here I didn't want him. But here we are and there ya go. Now he's been here three months and while we're cool with each other, there is still that atmospheric tautness hanging around whenever we're in the same room.
So last Saturday night I got good n drunk and we had it out. I told him I would sell him to the Gyro place and he say's "You're too fuckin drunk! I'll claw your eyes out!"
I glared at him, and through clenched teeth I spat "YOU WAIT TIL MORNING! YOU'RE DEAD! DEAD!!!
I lunged at him, but in my drunkeness tripped over some pillows on the floor and cracked my head on a tool box.
W.J. lay there watching, smiling. "Everytime you pass out on the floor here I dreAM of ripping your neck open."
I calmed down and the cat and I split a tin of Friskies "Pacific Salmon Dinner in sauce".

So anyway, I'm playing it cool now. I'll buy him food and shit stuff, he'll catch an occasional mouse, and I'll let him get comfortable.
But when I kill him I won't eat him, not even in a nice gyro, I'll just throw him in the street and let traffic disolve him away.

What if your cat reads this post? Your plans have been ruined before you even began. He probably has instruction to place a hit on you in the event of his untimely demise with 10 laywers accross the country. I've seen it before man. Lose lips sink ships.

[Wingman]

the house cat's pelt nailed the fence post.

but which way did he skin it?