One time in Dallas Texas

[Jonathan]

Really, Plano (but people know where Dallas is and Plano is just next door). I was at a job site and staying over the weekend. So it is Saturday, and I had just finished dinner. Dinner consisted of some sandwich (that I didn't finish) and two bottles of wine, that I did finish.

I had just learned that a Bar was just down the highway within walking distance and decided at that point it was a great idea to go get another drink. I wasn't completely shit faced yet, and I manage to get to said bar. Hell, I don't even remember the name of the bar anymore. The bartender was cute, the drinks were cheap and yes, I was getting completely inebriated.

So this story isn't about how much I drank (it was a lot) but what happened afterwards. The bar was closing so I left. I don't remember paying my tab, but apparently I did. When I walk out I can't remember which way I walked from to get there. I think I came from over there, so I start walking that way. I walk about 5 blocks, and seem to think this isn't the right way. I look around and see another highway to trot down. Yes, highway where cars are going 70 MPHs and there is no sidewalk. This is where it gets a bit fuzzy, but somehow I find a field so I lay down and decide it's a good idea to rest a bit. I wake up and realize it's getting light out. I am at that point I know i am fucked but can assess the situation. At some point while laying in the field I had kicked off my flip flops, I had taken my glasses off, and I could not find either of them again. So I say, fuck it. I just start walking. I find a railroad and decide I should follow it. So I start walking down it. I see a gas station that looks familiar but a tall fence is between me and it. I start to climb. I get to the top and (not being in the best of shape) barely make it over. While getting over, I rip the palm of my hand open on the top of the fence. My blood is thinned and I am bleeding everywhere. I use my shirt as a band aid and it is soaked in blood. I get to the gas station blood everywhere and try to call a cab. I couldn't get a cab. So I walk outside and realize I am only 2 blocks from my hotel so I walk there and go to sleep.

Now remind you people are starting at me, shoeless, can't see shit, blood all over his shirt, hand fucked up. I still have a very tight patch of scar tissue where I ripped my hand open.

I love drinking myself stupid.

[Jonathan]

Oh yea,

Sunday consisted of me buying new shoes and new glasses. God that sucked driving to one of those glasses in an hour stores when you can't see shit.

[Gin McGuinness]

I can't say that I've ever pulled off such a stunt, but I do know what it's like to use the freeway (more than likely you were walking near Highway 75) as a guide to get home via foot. Good thing you only suffered a hand wound.

[Steve]

Losing your glasses is shit. I've done it three times, and the places that make you a pair in an hour cost a fucking fortune.

[Jonathan]

I can't say that I've ever pulled off such a stunt, but I do know what it's like to use the freeway (more than likely you were walking near Highway 75) as a guide to get home via foot. Good thing you only suffered a hand wound.

I'll shortly write my "One Time in New Orleans"

I wanted to start with something tame. as not to offend or get the one uppers to much of a boner just yet.

[Gin McGuinness]

Oh, I wasn't trying to one-up-ya mate.... being a displaced Texan and all in Asia.... I've done some pretty fecked up stuff. Including entertaining a bunch of Bangladeshis in the container yards and not getting raped. That's skills!

[Blackneto]

.. I've done some pretty fecked up stuff. Including entertaining a bunch of Bangladeshis in the container yards and not getting raped. That's skills!

do tell!

[Gin McGuinness]

.. I've done some pretty fecked up stuff. Including entertaining a bunch of Bangladeshis in the container yards and not getting raped. That's skills!

do tell!

Why don't you get over here and.... take me out for a drink!

I got totally plastered like sheet rock one night at a friend's party. She lived very close to the container yards and I decided to walk down the road to get a taxi. One road leads to another.... and I stumbled upon some drunk Bangladeshis on their way home. They started hitting on me and I wasn't upset - I did look like Eris after a good make-over! I walked with them all the way to the ship yards; I guess a lady without shoes is something to behold- laughing at their broken English - and then started to help them finish their "wine"; it ended up being vodka mixed with Pepsi but it was cool to chat with them about their work, wives, girlfriends & how much they loved one another (some a little more than I expected). I woke laying next to the fire (it was actually cold near the beach) but I was totally intact. Due to some language issue, I had managed to tell them I was a witch! The one guy that had more English than the rest, called me a taxi at 0600 and gave me the rest of the vodka. He was told by the others that I had bewitched them and if they touched me they would parish.... I've never wanted to bust out laughing with such a hangover ever before!

I got home, check myself over (and over again because I'm a freak like that) and found that the skorts that I was wearing still had the safety pin holding the zipper together like it was prior to me leaving my gf's house. I got lucky. I suppose if I didn't have blue eyes, I might not have been. Or at least that's part of the reason of me being the "witch"!

[Blackneto]

.. I've done some pretty fecked up stuff. Including entertaining a bunch of Bangladeshis in the container yards and not getting raped. That's skills!

do tell!

Why don't you get over here and.... take me out for a drink!

This is on my list of things to do before I die.
Trust me, it really is.

[Illiniwek]

This is on my list of things to do before I die.
Trust me, it really is.

You mean not get raped by Bangledeshis in a container yard?

[Jonathan]

Oh, I wasn't trying to one-up-ya mate.... being a displaced Texan and all in Asia.... I've done some pretty fecked up stuff. Including entertaining a bunch of Bangladeshis in the container yards and not getting raped. That's skills!

Nice to meet another displaced Texan.

[Bigfoot]

Oh, I wasn't trying to one-up-ya mate.... being a displaced Texan and all in Asia.... I've done some pretty fecked up stuff. Including entertaining a bunch of Bangladeshis in the container yards and not getting raped. That's skills!

Nice to meet another displaced Texan.

I live 30 minutes north of Plano. 30 minutes north by car... not by foot. ; )