"Look! A midget in a Tiki Barber jersey!"
Because that's what I saw. Midgets kill me. I don't know why. He was just walking around drinking a beer. I saw him every once in a while for the next hour. I turned around a while later because I hear a commotion and I look down to see another midget, yelling and carrying on so much on the floor that the crowd actually backed off around him for about five feet in every direction. He's like yelling at the top of his little lungs and heading to the bar, which he climbs up on after considerable effort.
That's when: A) someone handed him a microphone, and B) I knew it was going to be a special evening.
I notice that he's wearing a shirt that says "Got Midgets?"
He starts off screaming into the microphone "Do you want to see a midget bleeeeeeed toniiiiiiiiight?!"
The crowd, oddly enough (to me) cheers. Yes, they apparently did want to see a midget bleed that night. He goes:
"You people are fucking sick," and then launches into ten minutes of raunchy stand up comedy.
And that's when some guy brought a folding chair, a frying pan and some other crap out into the open space in front of said midget while the first midget I saw walks out in a unitard, carrying a staple gun. The two midgets start yelling at each other and midget 2 dives off the bar onto Tiki Midget.
I look at my friend, whose birthday it is, and tell him "This is my Woodstock."
So they wrestled, and hit each other with the chair and cookware, and then midget 2 pins Tiki Midget to the ground and staples at dollar bill to his forehead. Now I know what he meant about seeing blood. Tiki runs around in the edges of the crowd with the dollar stapled to his head, making a big show of it, going "aaaahhh aahhh ahhhhh" and some girl rips the dollar off his head. He goes over to the guy who brought out the gear and the guy takes like three minutes to remove the staple from Tiki's head. He got half of it out and had to twist the remaining spine out of the poor guy's head. He is bleeding all down his face when he turns around, grabs midgi 2 and pins him, somehow another dollar materializes in his hand, as does the staple gun, and he pops that bitch right on the bridge of midgi 2's nose. I start to get kind of queasy. They run around and wrestle some more, the whole thing obviously very choreographed, and eventually one won. The crowd cheers, they take a bow, and then the music starts back up and people danced on the bloody floor.
My friend had no idea this was going to go on. What a weird night.
