Top Ten (or so) Facts About Oggar

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Postby Fast Cast » Fri Feb 09, 2007 12:12 pm

The fine people at the Jim Beam Distillery have announced a limited edition batch of Booker's aged in barrels made with Oggar's toothpicks. For those of you concerned about the size of the toothpicks, rest assured they have cut the toothpicks in half so that the barrels would be the right size.
I just wish there were some actual drunkards around here who can handle themselves like adults while still acting like retards - liquor&poker
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Postby Fred O'Lisby » Fri Feb 09, 2007 4:10 pm

Oggar once bankrupted two establishments holding "open bar" specials in one night.
Earlie Cuyler: Allow me to explain the contamination process. Pine cones go in here, party liquors comes out here and proceed to here.
[points to mouth]
Earlie Cuyler: Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated.
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Postby Kegdrainer » Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:03 pm

rumor has it the grand canyon used to be a 400 foot deep river of bourbon until oggar took a weekend trip there.
And super heroes come to feast. To taste the flesh not yet deceased and all I know is still the beast is feeding.
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Postby Barca » Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:50 am

There are only three known ways to kill Oggar. Two of them involve a deliberately placed black hole and Halley's comet. The other one necessitates only a pack of Saltines and a Greedo action figure, but you need to have a black belt in two kinds of jujitsu and be a Bolshoi-level ballet dancer.

Jesus weeps....so that Oggar has a mixer.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. - Henry Lawson
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Postby bluebottle » Mon Feb 26, 2007 6:04 am

the 1,000 lakes were shaken awake by his chuckle. - wait, 10,000 lakes. haha, sorry.
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Postby POGO » Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:33 pm

Apache legends has the Grand Canyon is due to Oggar always peeing in the same spot.



Yes, the Colorado river begins in the alley at the back of certain bar in Mankato.
"This case of hangover needs masturbation and a gin & tonic. " - Sweet Lou
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Postby POGO » Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:56 pm

Oggar's Manhattan is garnished with New Jersey.
"This case of hangover needs masturbation and a gin & tonic. " - Sweet Lou
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Postby Lifer » Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:01 am

The Red Cross decided that Oggar can't legally give blood based on the fact that it is chemically considered flammable.
Bundy wrote:"I say Rooster old bean! sally forth with another pair of pink gins for these jolly lovely gels and we'll see if they arent up for a spot of rumpy pumpy before we have to dash off and give Jerry another sound thrashing, what? Tally ho!"
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Postby POGO » Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:12 am

Lifer wrote:The Red Cross decided that Oggar can't legally give blood based on the fact that it is chemically considered flammable.


They use it to run their ambulances, however.
"This case of hangover needs masturbation and a gin & tonic. " - Sweet Lou
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Postby danger awesome » Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:16 pm

Oggar can count to infinity - he once drank that many double-Beam rocks.
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Postby ruiner » Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:58 pm

oggar can make his member a full foot long, just by bending it in half.
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Postby Badfellow » Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:34 pm

*No man is an island... except for Oggar, who might in fact qualify as a continent.

*During the winter, Oggar runs a training village for people who compete in Russian FM radio station vodka drinking contests. He's also author of best selling books such as "Drink Your Way To Success" and "Winning Blackout Strategies". You can purchase his 14 cassette motivational series directly from me. Simply paypal (1) gallon of Jim Beam Black plus S&H to my account. Satisfaction guarenteed or I will regurgitate your bourbon for a full refund. Order now!
"Your American whiskey. It is good. But you serve it with too much goddamn ice." Nikita Khruschev to Richard M. Nixon on the subject of I.W. Harper Bourbon.
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Postby Badfellow » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:07 am

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"Your American whiskey. It is good. But you serve it with too much goddamn ice." Nikita Khruschev to Richard M. Nixon on the subject of I.W. Harper Bourbon.
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Postby Professor Roomie » Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:46 am

You know that smell in the woods that everyone thinks is Bigfoot? Oggar.
"You people terrify me. You're like some sort of Unholy Trinity of drunken viking maniacs." - Nil

"You know, I'm surprised that someone who looks like the aging love child of Big Bird and Snuffaluffagus would bring physical appearance into this." - Oggar

It dulls pain, makes the sun shine brighter, and makes boring people more interesting.
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Postby fiyah » Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:09 pm

Oggar's beerfarts are the real explanation for holes in the ozone layer..
22:21 Thirsty i was too drunk to be high
[13:22] <@Veen> I need to find the penis monster
[23:03] <@fabric> dont masturbate to me
[20:33] <@NYDingbat> So I'm sittin' here at the Road House freebasing rum from a vaportini.
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