I won't even drink FREE white. I'm not in love with red, but I'll still drink it.
Nebulous metaphorical weapons are fine and dandy objects for inclusion in a weekly dose of morality tales, but if you want a "rod and staff" that will provide you with genuine comfort, I'd recommend a 1911.
Red or white? It really depends on what I'm eating at the time (or not eating for that matter). I like whites for dessert-esque wines (sipping with friends) or with something light like a salad or fish. Red wine I prefer when eating a more hearty dinner. And of course I love rosés (like White Zinfandel).