It was another simple day for me in the crappy low paying job we all call life.. well at least until one gets drunk.
Im subjected to the dry boring... dry? did I already say that. Group therapy for drug users and abusers where I get tested frequently, so I come to the golden sauce to now supplement my day.
Anywho I started off with a jug of fadeorade and got hammered before I went, I felt like a nice wet snake that socially manuevered around my fellow druggbuddies and probationary friends. Of course they didnt know, it is the element of the ninja drunk to be unsmelt, unheard and unstaggering.
Well, On the way to break they pull me and B aside for a random testing, and while talking to one of the old timers she smelt booze, and inquistivley inquired
"Have you two naughty boys been drinking"
"Why no we have not" Of course B hadnt had a damn sip on his lips, but I was shmashhheedd to an almost incoherent level for a rookie.
so anywho I had to sit and reluctantly watch B piss into the cup, I was nervous because I felt as though my ninja footsteps had been heard in the dry open desert of what they call 'group counsling'
hadnt been spotted...but heard!
As he was done donating his old yellow to the counslers I preceded with him to walk out and he inquired "P have you been drinking"
"eh I was a bit earlier, but I dont know how the hell an ex tweeks nose could still have the sanctity to still even smell anything but the rotting flesh up in her nostril"
After break I strode in to the room and the sneekiest of all counslers strode in like a silent samurai, "Someones been drinking so we will be testing all the males in the group with a salival test"
Oh fuck god damnit, this is ment for the purpose of getting close enough to smell, not for actually testing I quietly exclaimed in my head
Just stay cool, find some gum and drink some water youll be alright dont blow your disguise! the drunken ninja inside of me wisely protested.
so I spent another couple minutes asking my fellows for some gum, and no one had any... we were ordered into the hallway when the Sneeky counsler S walked in a menacingly said "Someones is gonna have to come clean, or you all are gonn suffer for the misdeeds of one"
SOB! now what the hell am I going to do in this situation, im more screwed than a damn jew waiting for an execution at a concentration camp, and theres no way im goin down with double the penalty My inner consciouss screamed inside almost shaking the very confines of my drunken cranium
Dont give in now! just let the situation play out, you might just get lucky, you give in its game over and your goin back to the tin house where the sun dont shine! the ninja steathily explained, almost to comfort the dry worry of my conscious.
as we were all waiting in the lobby corridor I placed myself toward the middle of the line, not hiding, but not necessarily giving it up!, haha strategy in deed
When a russian member named... Popov spoke up and said "You smell like drank homie, you should give it in or else ur gonna get slammed double for that"
I said " fuck that man im just gonna play the game until I loose"
This is when worry really took hold, they tested a few of the guys when all of a sudden the nicer of the two counslers said
"you boys are lucky today, but whoever was drinking, better count their nine lives"
What did I tell you, young grasshopper? the drunken ninja said... fading off into the last slips of my minds eye, gone once again until the magical juice touched my lips a few hours later that night.
haha I was a little lucky that day, and the accounts of what happened were true on my part, but Id like to consider us that like to hooch much like the jews in the holocaust! especially while on probation! its crap fuck the law for what it does, and fuck group counsling! lol what a miracle though any thoughts?
I definately checked off one of the 40 things to do before u die as a drunk.
PS cheers! im new hahahehhrha