Ask Savage

[Judge]

Dear Ms. Savage,

I have a wonderful wife and children, so so son in laws and great grandchildren. Is it wrong to want to blow them all off and buy a bike and take off traveling and boozing until the charge cards and bank accounts are all empty ending up selling the bike in some dirtbag town in eastern Ohio mooching beers off barhags that think I must be something because I'm still talking to them at 3am leaving said family to fend for themselves into abject poverty?

Or should I go for it?

[slushfund]

Yes

[Savage]

Yes

You're not Savage, so fuck off.

[Savage]

Dear Ms. Savage,

I have a wonderful wife and children, so so son in laws and great grandchildren. Is it wrong to want to blow them all off and buy a bike and take off traveling and boozing until the charge cards and bank accounts are all empty ending up selling the bike in some dirtbag town in eastern Ohio mooching beers off barhags that think I must be something because I'm still talking to them at 3am leaving said family to fend for themselves into abject poverty?

Or should I go for it?

Of course you should! And the twelve different STDs, skin diseases, nagging cough, and bleeding from various orifices that you'll have, when you come crawling home with your joystick in your shoe, will be something you can remember the experience by.

[slushfund]

Yes

You're not Savage, so fuck off.

Isn't she wonderful, ladies and gentleman? Give her a big hand.

[GetDrunkStayDrunk]

"I left my wonderful family for the booze. I mean, I knew they were great and all, I just didn't see a problem with it. I hopped on my motorcycle and started cruising the country trying to find the bottom of that bottle, never seemed to come though. Eventually the credit cards were maxed, the vacation fund was dry and the 401K is a thing of the past now. So here I am about 60 miles from anywhere in Ohio, the bikes been pawned, I have to keep my junk in my pocket because it fell off thanks to some questionable decisions but it's OK because 'Debbie the Toothless Wonder' still likes me. My name is Judge and I am not a mormon."

[Milspec]

Dear Ms. Savage,

My wife enacted a new policy- she wont have sex with me if i've been drinking. Even one beer! To me the choice is obvious, but how can i convince her to repeal?

thanks.

[peetie44]

Dear Ms Savage,

My cat just knocked over my last glass of bourbon. How should I deal with this?

[Savage]

Dear Ms. Savage,

My wife enacted a new policy- she wont have sex with me if i've been drinking. Even one beer! To me the choice is obvious, but how can i convince her to repeal?

thanks.

Spike her ovaltine. Then do that voodoo, that you do, and make her beg for your attentions.

[Savage]

Dear Ms Savage,

My cat just knocked over my last glass of bourbon. How should I deal with this?

Killing the cat is out of the question. But it is a notion that would, fleetingly, cross my mind. (S'okay. I'd feel the same way if it was Grumpy.)
No. What you must do is, speak firmly to the cat, explaining to its walnut-sized brain that bourbon is not for spilling. To reinforce this message, let the tiny beast has a sniff of your drink. If your cat is anything like mine, you will no longer have to worry about spillage, but instead, have to guard your glass against feline pillage.

[Savage]

Yes

You're not Savage, so fuck off.

Isn't she wonderful, ladies and gentleman? Give her a big hand.

So I guess this means you're not leaving me the car in your will anymore?

[Mr Boozificator]

Dear Ms Savage, I have recently met a wonderful young American lady and I am willing to give her care and attention for the rest of her days. Our problem is that our love has to remain secret because her mother is being worried by our age difference. Do you think I should break the sweet mama the news or do you think I should just run away with girl, and more importantly, if I'd come, with say, a cask of Pappy Van Winckle, do you think that would help me rest my case ?

[slushfund]

So I guess this means you're not leaving me the car in your will anymore?

Like I told you before, I can't put you in my will unless you give me your real name and address.

[peetie44]

Dear Ms Savage,

What is the capital of ancient Mesopotamia?

[Savage]

Dear Ms Savage,

What is the capital of ancient Mesopotamia?

I dunno, but this is the number one on their hit parade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAMRTGv82Zo