The Bender Defined

[frankennietzsche]

I love this thread, but I have to say, benders do not have to be more than a week long to be a "true bender"

I mean god, I've been blacked out for 72 hours straight before, I'd call that a bender!

I've never gone on a week long bender. I mean, I'd love to, but I've never had that many days off in a row.

The thesis of this thread isn't that you have to drink for a week straight to be a righteous Drunkard or that drinking all day or all weekend is not a glorious thing. We're just trying to straighten out the terminology to help it maintain its meaning, or actually, its divinity. Some drink with watermelon and triple sec and other things in it might be tasty and you might serve it in a martini glass but that doesn't make it a martini. Likewise, there's nothing better than getting up and drinking all day, but, in an of itself, that's not a bender. It can be an endrunkening, a binge, a hoedown, even a bacchanalia, but we're suggesting the particular word "bender" be reserved for the supreme holy rites of endrunkening that last at least a week.

Now that's always a good word. Doesn't get much use though.

You could write an impressive essay on the implications and ramifications on just that one word.

[Leftboston]

I have been on a tear the the last few weeks but certainly not a bender. I haven't been on a proper bender in years. For me a bender is walking into a tunnel and coming out the other side many days or weeks later. It's nice to have a fellow drunk or 2 along for the ride.

[MeanOldLady]

I love this thread, but I have to say, benders do not have to be more than a week long to be a "true bender"

I mean god, I've been blacked out for 72 hours straight before, I'd call that a bender!

I've never gone on a week long bender. I mean, I'd love to, but I've never had that many days off in a row.

The thesis of this thread isn't that you have to drink for a week straight to be a righteous Drunkard or that drinking all day or all weekend is not a glorious thing. We're just trying to straighten out the terminology to help it maintain its meaning, or actually, its divinity. Some drink with watermelon and triple sec and other things in it might be tasty and you might serve it in a martini glass but that doesn't make it a martini. Likewise, there's nothing better than getting up and drinking all day, but, in an of itself, that's not a bender. It can be an endrunkening, a binge, a hoedown, even a bacchanalia, but we're suggesting the particular word "bender" be reserved for the supreme holy rites of endrunkening that last at least a week.

Now that's always a good word. Doesn't get much use though.

You could write an impressive essay on the implications and ramifications on just that one word.

bacchanalia was all right, but the real gold in that post was referencing the "divinity" of the bender.

[frankennietzsche]

In light of subsequent events, the original text of this post was irrelevant and I shall in it's place edit this to make it a FUN FACT:

"Bender "drinking bout" is U.S. slang, first attested 1846"

[Palinka]

In the interests of science, this thread has been made an announcement. May booze bless all who post in her.

[Borracho]

Kudos. This goes a good way in the search for a working definition of a "BENDER." I think that the word gets too liberal a use.

One thing that I would add is some sort of guidelines as to what amount (all relative) of alcohol is required to constitute a 'bender.' It should be a sliding scale, but with a minimum.

"Oh, man...I've drank six days in a row; I'm on a bender." Wrong. If you've drank a ususal amount of alcoholic beverages, it's just drinking, it is not a bender. Somebody was saying something of being on a 1.75L a week 'bender.' If you normally don't drink every night and now you've gone seven days with three drinks a day; that is not a bender.

I guess it's just easier to define via negativa, which is how Aquinas defined, or attempted to define God. Coincidence?

I thought I covered the minimum with No blackout-No bender. Everyday of a bender you should be a little surprised you're waking up at all. I to am fighting the cheapening of the BENDER. I cringe when I hear a three day week-end called a bender. One of my proudest drinking accomplishments a six week long balls-out-pedal-to-the-metal-full-steam-ahead bender that ended when I realized I needed a job to pay next months rent. I didn't know how satisfying it would be to have that under my belt at the time, it was just what I was doing. But now... I know I did it right and it feels good.

Oggar,

I can relate man. I think the key your focusing on is waking up in the dark and not knowing what day it is, or whether it is nearly dawn, or just past sunset. That's pretty intense, especially when you find out its Friday night and you've got 72 hours before anything resembling responsibility. I found these episodes only avoided detention when they were very rural, or never left the room. I prefered the rural ones, but had a few in town too. I must say I've never had one that went much more than a week, but there's always retirement...

Borracho

[Shot Time]

How does one go on a bender and keep one's self stimulated throughout the adventure? If I wake up one morning and start drinking, eventually I can see myself getting bored and/or tired, going to bed, and then waking up more tired and possibly hungover. Once the drinking begins, do you go on a walk and see what/who you bump into? Do you go to your local? Or is the passing out between drinking sessions ok, as long as you start up again when you wake up? I've been on benders in the past, and I don't recall what I did or what propelled me to continue. They were blurs of people handing me beers, helping me into and out of bars, and waking up in strange places. This was all during the college years, when the environment supports and encourages the bender. Now, when all the drinking peers are off working and living, what supports the lone, bender-striving visionary?

[Palinka]

How does one go on a bender and keep one's self stimulated throughout the adventure?...

Booze. Lots of booze.

[Barca]

How does one go on a bender and keep one's self stimulated throughout the adventure? If I wake up one morning and start drinking, eventually I can see myself getting bored and/or tired, going to bed, and then waking up more tired and possibly hungover. Once the drinking begins, do you go on a walk and see what/who you bump into? Do you go to your local? Or is the passing out between drinking sessions ok, as long as you start up again when you wake up? I've been on benders in the past, and I don't recall what I did or what propelled me to continue. They were blurs of people handing me beers, helping me into and out of bars, and waking up in strange places. This was all during the college years, when the environment supports and encourages the bender. Now, when all the drinking peers are off working and living, what supports the lone, bender-striving visionary?

Finally, these are the discussions befitting the Modern Drunkard board.

I have a theory, only a theory not a truism, about your question.

That's why we train, that's why we drink day in and day out to become great Drunkards. So that when we embark on our great bender people will welcome us, greet us with smiles and open conversation. When we engage them, even drunkenly, or especially drunkenly, they'll be happy we arrived, and they'll both facilitate and enable our journey, hopeful that we'll return in the future.

By being a good Drunkard, a funny Drunkard, a wise or a witty Drunkard, you encourage others to encourage your drinking. In turn, they treasure your company and entertain you while you embark on your magical drunken voyage.

If you're a lesser drinker your absurd, puerile drunken antics will be unwelcome and your every step will be fraught with peril. The Modern Drunkard, however, will always be treated as a welcome guest and each drink is as an extra hundred Frequent Drunkard miles, and Booze is your travel agent. Keep drinking, keep flying, the Bender creates itself.

I have more to say on the subject, but I will pass the mic to the next veteran traveler.

[meGinAndTonic]

The thesis of this thread isn't that you have to drink for a week straight to be a righteous Drunkard or that drinking all day or all weekend is not a glorious thing. We're just trying to straighten out the terminology to help it maintain its meaning, or actually, its divinity. Some drink with watermelon and triple sec and other things in it might be tasty and you might serve it in a martini glass but that doesn't make it a martini. Likewise, there's nothing better than getting up and drinking all day, but, in an of itself, that's not a bender. It can be an endrunkening, a binge, a hoedown, even a bacchanalia, but we're suggesting the particular word "bender" be reserved for the supreme holy rites of endrunkening that last at least a week.

ok, I def. see what you're saying. and I agree. I didn't mean to come across as like, getting up at 7am and drinking til I pass out at 11pm for one night is a bender. Cuz it's not. I meant like, a true bender is getting hammered, waking up, getting hammered, having adventures, passing out, getting up, immediately drinking, etc. over the course of at least a few days.


and my answer to shot time's post is, there is no real answer, at least for me. I just drink. and drink and get hammered and

How does one go on a bender and keep one's self stimulated throughout the adventure?...

Booze. Lots of booze.

that's basically it. The booze just leads to little adventures, sometimes it means watching Ferris Buellers Day off 4x in a row before passing out then waking up and going out and waking up 6 hours later with a James Bond postcard in your back pocket not knowing where it came from. Rinse. Repeat.

At least that's how it is for me. It's just this whole other mindframe I'm in.
A retarded but fun mindframe.

[Oggar]

Shot Time I regret I have no solid answer for your question. Motivation, the crux of it? For some people the fact that the mountain is there is enough reason to climb it. For some there is some searing emotional pain that kicks off the bender. All I can say with certainty is that someday when you tell the tale of that magnificent event when you're finished the person that you told the story to will often ask, "Why did you do that?"

When you answer the question you'll know. But I can tell you now what you'll say then, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

[Borracho]

How does one go on a bender and keep one's self stimulated throughout the adventure? If I wake up one morning and start drinking, eventually I can see myself getting bored and/or tired, going to bed, and then waking up more tired and possibly hungover. Once the drinking begins, do you go on a walk and see what/who you bump into? Do you go to your local? Or is the passing out between drinking sessions ok, as long as you start up again when you wake up? I've been on benders in the past, and I don't recall what I did or what propelled me to continue. They were blurs of people handing me beers, helping me into and out of bars, and waking up in strange places. This was all during the college years, when the environment supports and encourages the bender. Now, when all the drinking peers are off working and living, what supports the lone, bender-striving visionary?

Well, in my truly accomplished bender phase in the mid 80s, I was a bit out of college, had put a bunch of money aside to go to Europe with my old man, he bailed out, and so I had nothing to do until I found my next job. Conveniently, that took about 9 months. It was full of mini and mega benders.

Typically, I got up and drank white wine out of my old man's 3L jug out of the fridge and decided today *wasnt' the day to look for a job. Once that was decided, several attractive alternatives cropped up.

1), BAR HOP: head across town on my motorcycle to any of the several dive bars that had good Frank Sinatra and country music selections. Then I had a pre-planned line of retreat back, so I wouldn't get too drunk to make it alive. I'd stay undrunk enough to rally and not get home before midnight, since my old man might stay up and give me shit.

2) Cultural day: head to the local arboretum or park. The park was pretty fun, since eventaully you could spot all the other rummy's hanging out drinking out of their, sleeves, pockets or other hidden places, plus acting weird and sneaking around...

3) Road trip: look up all your old college pals and make take advantage of them to act like a moron again...

4) Cousins: who doesn't have one or two that are drunk more or less constantly? If they aren't then encourage them, it doesn't take much!!

Jeez, nowadays a bad weekend and a couple of hangovers during the week seems rough, I must be getting old..

Borracho..

[bluebottle]

this is truly inspiring. my workaday job has me three days out of seven working, the rest drinking. i would not call these four days when i drink a bender, because it is normal habit for me to drink until drunk those nights, and most often, i don't remember what went on. still, yes, i think i would amend my previous post to read that a bender would have to be, at least, a full week, seven days. so my question would be, how to classify the "long weekend"? a lifetime of "long weekends" compared to one or two benders - how do the two stack up? i think i have crammed all the so-called bender requirements into the four-day-long-weekend exploits i have been thru lately. if one were to have the time off work to do the seven+ thing, sure. but i think thats part of it too, creating a space to do it. and having the money. as a sidenote, my granpa bahe yazza used to work on the road crew building roads thru mescalero, and stories told that he'd often take the check, hitch to tularosa, and be gone for weeks at a time. he preferred wine is my nderstanding.

[Clark]

Let us remember the basis of our Western Civilization. The undrunk tend to think of Plato, Socrates, Roman law, aqueducts, and other dull inventions such as super glue. The undrunk tend to think in terms of utility: How is a logical argument formed? Or they marvel at the staid infrastructure whereby sewage is transported to the sea -- as if pipes were remarkable. This is the stuff of dullards who teach at universities and drone on and on with their sterilized version of history.

The true basis of Western Civilization is the Bacchanalia, that blessed festival of antiquity where citizens got plowed and had drunken sex for several months at a time in a relaxed atmosphere. This is humanity in its pre-Christian state where the Gods and Goddesses were to be worshipped in wild abandon with booze and sex. This is religion the way it was meant to be; it is in the natural state of things to get drunk and stay drunk in order to commune with Deity while copulating as a celebration of life itself. Following the Bacchanalia, one must write odes of praise to Bacchus, pay the temple harlots for services rendered, repair that which has been broken, and of course replensish one's booze cabinet.

Although endurance helps, drinking itself is not meant to be an endurance contest as in, "Who can stay drunk the longest?" This is a very basic confusion of athleticism and drinking and these are two very different concepts and activities! Great Zeus! Why have we allowed drinking to become a sport? This blasphemy dishonors the Gods and Goddess. Make an idol of sports if you must, but please keep it out of the Temple of Booze.

To truly imbibe is to luxuriate in spirits; it is to cheerfully quaff the heavenly elixir in great draughts until balance and coherence are no longer required because the body has passed beyond that point where bodily locomotion is even possible or remotely safe. In the olden days, one would by this point be on their back in a field of golden wheat looking up at the starry night skies in one moment and then be abducted into the underworld in the next. Moderns call this "blacking out" but to the ancients it was astral projection with the body parked in neutral as one traversed the underworld and saw elfin creatures and monsters. As in ancient times, one still might wake up next to a strange and horrid creature in modern times, but that is a subject for another time and place.

The police were never a worry in ancient times because there were no cars. The only worry was being found in a stuporous condition by a lonely shepard, in which case one might be awoken by a stabbing pain in the nether regions and oaths of manlove from the shepard.

A "bender" is a linguistic invention of modern times. It exists because the poetic sensibility of the Bacchanalia has been lost. The fact that people here have to quibble over what constitutes a "bender" proves that no such thing exists. I can show you a bottle of bourbon and thereby prove that bourbon exists. I can do the same with all forms of alcohol. This is empirical proof and therefore constitutes true science. But a bender? Can you show me a bender as I can show you a bottle of rum? (I won't let you hold my bottle of rum, but you can look at it). You cannot show me a bender and so this proves that a bender only exists in the imagination of drinkers who wish to boast of their stamina with the bottle. If you want to be athletic, well then go and play baseball or lawn darts, but please do not conflate sports and drinking. Why, the last thing drinking needs is to be equated with these felonious athletes who are paid ridiculous salaries for throwing balls, running, and gulping down steroids the way drunkards gulp down booze!

Throw off the shackles of the phantom "bender" for you need not prove your drinking abilities to anyone. Free yourself from psychologically problematic concepts and know poetry instead:

To drink, or not to drink: that is question.
Whether 'tis nobler to quaff the pints and liters
that cost an outrageous fortune,
Or to take sobreity against a sea of troubles,
And by staying dry end them? To drink: to sip;
No more; and by drinking see an end to
The dullness and the thousand shocks
That a undrunk mind is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly not to be wish'd. To drink, to sip;
To sip: perchance to be plowed: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sip of rum what drunkenness may come
When we have shuffled off this largest bar bill,
Must give us pause: that final last call
That makes a mixed drink of so long life;
For who would bear the tequila without lime,
The bartender's wrong, the bouncer's contumely,
The pangs of cheap wine, one's guts filleted,
The insolence of peeing in the office ferns,
That impatient bladders of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quiet urine make
With a empty soda cup? Who would drunkards bear,
To puke and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something on one's breath,
The undiscover'd DUI checkpoint from whose bourn
No drunkard returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather take those swills we have
Than drink to others that we know not of?
Thus undrunkenness does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of intoxocation
Is made more clear with the pale cast of vodka,
And shaken drinks of great proof and volume
With this regard my pants are carried away,
And I lose the name of that girl - Soft she was!
The fair Absinthe! Green Nymph, in thy embrace
Be all my sins forgotten!

[bluebottle]

i am a drinker and an athlete. i am not the great marathon runner of week-long benders, but i would see myself as strongest in the short lived but fantastical accomplishments of the so-called extended weekend drunk. i love your words, clark. but i must say, athleticism and drinking go hand in hand - it was that way with the greeks i hear, and that way with the ball playing mayans, and it was what gave fortitude to all sorts of people athletically, from war to drunken baseball and boxing. hell, i for one would have never made my most cherished athletic accomplishments without the aid of a cold beer and a shot of whiskey. imagine me diving and leaping and cussing dirty with gritty and broken teeth while undrunk! not likely! but with libations - why i am a hurricane terror on the field, any field - triple plays all by myself! assissts and goals and saves by me! passes and blocks and touchdowns by who? me! sure the debate over what constitutes a bender may go on, but rest assured, i know the power of the libationary effects of booze on sports. i won't even mention st*oids.