Absolut Fascism
In
this age of heightened security, it isn’t
only dusky foreigners who need worry about being
hassled. For example, while attending the
Bar and Nightclub Convention in Vegas, we managed
to get barred from the Absolut Vodka party for the
crime of representing a magazine about drinking.
Which is akin to an arms manufacturer kicking the
NRA out of of a weapons show, because, you know,
the pen is so much more dangerous than the assault
rifle.What’s even more disturbing, Absolut’s
heavy security seemed primed for our arrival, they
needed to only glance at our press credentials to
realize we were evil. Here’s how it went down:
“What’s
that you say? Drunkard? No. Get out of here and don’t
come back.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not wanted here. There
will be no drunkards here.”
“What are you talking about? Look at the crowd.
They’re mostly bartenders, and bartenders are
notorious drunkards. Half of those fuckers are already
hammered. Hammered on your crappy vodka, which you’re
pouring down their necks for free.”
“Do I have to call the police?”
No,
you goddamn fascist, you don’t have to
call the police. To irk them, we passed out hundreds
of magazines to conventioneers walking into the party.
At first security tried to stop them from bringing
in the issues, then backtracked when a growing group
of hasslees started wondering why the literature they
were carrying was any of Absolut’s business.
So, according to folks over at Absolut,
manufacturing and selling alcohol is perfectly fine,
but actually promoting the drinking of the stuff is
strictly verboten.
It’s
a sad sign of the times when liquor companies start
goose-steppng alongside the prohibitionists, when
the dissemination of free information is viewed as
a threat to production and profit. These are the same
brand of Quislings who, when the Nazis started marching
on Paris, declared they had admired those loveable
brown shirts and their kooky antics all along.
