Key: Holiday. Pithy comment. Suggested holiday libation.
December
1 Festival of Poseidon (Greek). Let the Sea God drown your sorrows. Sea Breeze.
2 St. Bibiana’s Day. Patron saint of hangovers. Bloody Mary.
3 Cold War officially ends (1989). The dawn of the New World Disorder. The spoils of war—vodka.
4 First man killed by a bowling ball (1982). Kinda surprised it took so long. Bowling alley beer.
5 Drunkard Liberation Day (1933). National prohibition is repealed in the U.S. Everything you can get your hands on.
6 National Pawnbrokers Day. The launching pad of many an impromptu bender. As much booze as your guitar speaker will buy.
7 Tom Waits Birthday (1949). “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.” Guinness Stout.
8 Sammy Davis Jr.’s Birthday (1925). “The day they stop making fun of you is the day they don’t give a damn about you.”
Sammy Davis Jr.
1 1/2 oz Stoli Vanilla
Chilled espresso
Shake with ice and serve with a twist of lemon.
9 Redd Foxx’s Birthday(1922). “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.” Ripple.
10 Nobel Prize Awards Day. Drink away your disappointment.
Mad Scientist
1 1/3 oz blueberry schnapps
1 1/3 oz raspberry schnapps
1/4 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
1/4 oz grenadine
Mix the schnapps in a shot glass, slowly top with grenadine. Dribble a small amount of Bailey’s on top.
11 Jerry Lee Lewis secretly married his 13-year-old third cousin Myra Gale Brown. When Jerry breaks the rules, he breaks all the rules.
Great Balls of Fire
2 oz Goldschlager
1/2 oz Hotdamn 100 Proof
1/2 oz Aftershock
Mix and shoot.
12 Frank Sinatra’s Birthday (1915). “I’m for anything that gets you through the night—be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.” Jack rocks.
13 St. Lucy’s Day. Patron saint of writers, people with eye trouble and lamplighters. Drink yourself blind and in the morning you shall be magically healed.
14 The “Shot Heard Around the World” is fired in an exchange between American revolutionaries and British soldiers. Celebrate with the #1 shot drank around world. Jagermeister.
15 Walt Disney’s head cryogenically frozen (1966). Here’s to hoping he reanimates in time to kick Eisner’s ass. Frozen Daiquiri.
16 Anniversary of the Boston Tea Party (1773). They tossed the tea and stole the rum. Long Island Iced Tea.
17 Wright Brothers take the 1st airplane flight at Kitty Hawk (1903). Soar like a drunken eagle. Grey Goose Vodka.
18 Feast of Our Lady of Solitude (Mexico). Buy the barlot at the end of the bar a drink. Blue Moon Belgium White.
19 Underdog Day. Challenge the fattest bastard in the bar to a drinking contest. Salty Dog.
20 National Sangria Day. Introduced to the U.S. at the 1964 World’s Fair. Sangria.
21 Jack Daniels’ Birthday (1850). Started distilling 13 years later. Gentleman Jack.
22 Willpower Day. Test yours at the bar. Well tequila.
23 Van Gogh cut off his ear (1888). He ran out of absinthe, so he got into the turpentine and next thing you know . . . Van Gogh Vodka.
24 National Eggnog Day. Nog is an Old English word for ale, an original ingredient. Bottle of scotch, then eggs for breakfast.
25 Shane MacGowan’s Birthday (1957). “Whenever I need a light inside me, I walk into a pub and drink 15 pints of beer.” Fifteen pints of beer.
26 Henry Miller’s Birthday (1891). “Ah yes, yes, once in a while indulge…spree and pee…a look at the girls and a brawl…not too bloody…ring around the rosie…you know…shake the bugs out of the rug.” MGD.
27 National Fruitcake Day. Fruitcakes survive so long because of the high alcohol content. Fruit-flavored vodka.
28 Bairns’ Day. Considered the unluckiest day of the year. Lucky Lager.
29 Rasputin assassinated (1916). He drank enough cyanide-spiked wine to kill six men, partied until the wee hours, then finally succumbed after being shot three times and drowned in a freezing river. Fortified wine.
30 Miracle Day. Order a Pousse Cafe in a sports bar. Pousse Cafe.
31 Guinness Brewery was founded (1759). There are 20 different variations of Guinness worldwide. Guinness by the gallon.
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